Health, Life, Relationship

Are We Really Living?

This post was written a few months ago during the time we learned of actor Robin Williams death.

As we live for today, we wonder about tomorrow and where we go from there. Today there is no surprise to learn about the apparent death of Robin Williams. People wonder why this happened and what could have been done to prevent it from happening. Suicide is a harsh lesson to cope with, same goes with any other form of obstacles within our lives due to a tragic event.

Professionals are often called to make an analysis to determine the why? Often times, questioning motives and what lies behind an image being portrayed to the rest of the world. Yet, the most question people seek is why? Sometimes, things just happen and there is nothing we can do about it. For example, trying to take control of certain situations and fixing the problems regardless of the end result. We are human beings, we make choices that effects everyone around us and the decisions we make doesn’t determine who we are; but it sets us apart from everyone else.

We either move on or live in the past.

Personally, I believe that people can overcome their depression. Depression is a feeling of being sad, losing interest in the things we used to love and it may last a while. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last for a very long time and that depends on our strength, support and the encouragements we need. There are worst things in the world, but oftentimes I see people who battle with depression all the time and deny themselves the sweet pleasures of life. What in this world, in America can we be depressed about? There is a load of crap that people would come up with that would be reasonable like the death of a loved one or a rocky marriage. However, that is no excuse to hang onto the past just because someone else has moved on.

I recently lost two of the most precious people in my life, my parents. They worked hard all their lives to provide the best that they could for their children. And in the end, they left this world with great joy and wonder because they have accomplished their goals in providing for their children, us.
The first time when I heard my father had died, sure there were stages where I was in denial, angry at God and grief. I cut everyone out of my heart and just didn’t want anyone else into my life.  I sought God to make amends and help me move on. He did. The second time death came, learning of my mother’s death was just as shocking as my father’s was; but I accepted her death more easily because I didn’t want to put myself into a situation where I cannot come back from. I prayed to God.

I knew that my father was diagnosed with liver cancer, but to loose him to brain hemorrhage was completely unexpected. Of course, we all deal with sadness in different ways. We just have to learn how to cope with the unexpected outcome. When I lost my father, I was angry and sad. Anger won out because I completely shut everyone out of my heart and never let them in. One day, during a camping trip my older sister’s husband asked me why I haven’t let myself be saved through the faith of Jesus Christ. And my response was that “my heart felt cold.”

What do I think about depression and how do I deal with it? For one thing, I created this blog for fans, readers, and other educated scholars for a purpose: to release and vent my feelings rather than bottling them up inside. Not only that, but to help inspire and encourage those who are going through our normal every day lives as we continue to battle our own demons buried deep inside of our hearts.

Depression is not a sign of weakness, in fact it’s a sign of strength and sooner rather than later, it would be better to either talk with a professional or fellowship with a group who are going exactly what you are going through. We all deal with depression, in fact I have to admit that I deal with it too and I wondered why I started. We, ourselves never know when we are depressed because a part of us feel that it was normal. However, in fact it’s not.

I was at one of my many doctors appointment and I didn’t say much, but the computerized testing of simple questions about my personal feelings came into light. The psychologist say that I’m depressed.  In another light, there is also the spiritual aspect of warfare. So, why did I all of a sudden feel depressed and how did I not see it coming? That is what I would like to know, because it’s not normal to cry at night out of the blue for no reason. There has to be a reason, right? That’s what I keep reminding myself too. And yet, I couldn’t find any reason to cry let along feel sad all the time.

So, during my time at a Women’s Retreat; there are things that I learned not just about myself but also about what was happening spiritually within me. My faith was dwindling down and I had to fight my way back to His Good Graces. Why? Satan is the father of Lies. He is the only one who can deceive you in order to turn you away from God. Why did I listen to Satan when I already knew about God’s Unconditional Love? For starters, I haven’t been into the Word for some time now and my heart just simply gave up a little on Faith. Again, I ask why? Because there are things in my personal journey that has not been fulfilled yet and patience just ran out. That is the real reason.

I lost my Faith because I let it happen.

Scientifically, I think it’s a mixture of my medications making me feel that way. I’m not suicidal, I don’t eat to stress out and I don’t feel the way how other depressed people feel. I just feel a big empty sadness or a void inside. I still seek God and ask him why? I asked my doctor why?

The answer. They have no clue. God knows, but it has not been revealed to me yet and it probably never will.

So, with this said and done; let’s hope and pray that we can learn to live a little and stop for one moment to have quiet time with the Lord.

Back to my original question, are we really living?

If you can answer that, please feel free to share and post a comment or two.

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About See Lo

I’m a freelance Web Designer and avid Blogger. My previous work has been published in Wisconsin Pages, Yahoo! Voices, Nubqub International, Asiance Magazine, Hmong Today, Hmong Is You Magazine, Teen Hmong, Future Hmong Magazine and eye.D Magazine. Several poems have been published in Paj Ntaub Voice, a literary arts journal and had the opportunity to work with published author Robert Danielak and Dr. Alicia Ghiragossian (poet-philospher) on the second edition of Alicia G: The Poet-Philosopher of the New Millennium.
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