Health, Life, Relationship

Keeping Secrets: Part 2

In my last post about four to five months ago, I talked about my secrets. Today, I’ll be mentioning a secret that didn’t surprise us in the least but shocked us all once again.

I’m usually not one to tell secrets to others, but I do post updates on my social media in cryptic words and phrases from the Bible in order to protect them in a way. However, there is one reason why I post up comments or messages via my social media platform; because family does not listen as much as we want them too regardless of how much it hurts. And if they don’t want to hear from families, they have to hear it form somewhere else. Social media is the only place where you can actually write cryptic messages to inform your family members of the mistakes they often make themselves.Myself included!

Back to the original topic.

During the month of March, as I was babysitting my older brother’s son while they were on vacation in Arizona. I was informed through a series of text messages from my entire family about one of my little sister’s much kept secrets. She was in labor and delivered a healthy baby boy.

We as a family kind of suspected. Yet, every single time we asked her if she was pregnant, she denied it and continued on with her life as if it was normal. We were disappointed in her yet again for having another child with another man, for this is her third child and she was looking for a way to get rid of him.

It breaks my heart knowing that no matter how many times you try to help your siblings, they will never give you the benefit of the doubt of confiding their feelings or telling you their kept secrets.

How did we ever get to be in this position where your own siblings treats you like an enemy? How can we become a solid family if there are issues that are left unresolved? Or if your own family won’t admit their own faults?

Keeping secrets has either destroyed you or kept you together. However, harboring these unresolved issues will one day will explode in our faces and destroy the entire family.

We are not mad at her for choosing the wrong path. We are just disappointed that she didn’t tell a single person what she was going through. It’s really not that hard to tell someone the truth, you just have to embrace the storm and move on.

Just the other weekend, my older brother put me on the spot for slowing down the entire family. When I do think about it, I have to ask how am I slowing the family down when I’m not the only one whose left behind. How am I slowing the family down, if I can’t find a suitable job that would accept a disabled person like me? I may not be able to stand up like a regular person on a job from 9-5pm, walk more than 15-20 minutes without rest because of the pain or go up and down the stairs without the use of the railings. Yet, how am I slowing the family down if they can’t provide for their own? I don’t ask for much and I don’t need much.

If I didn’t have to babysit the kids, I would be out there looking for a job every single day. If I didn’t have to give rides to anyone, I would be out there looking for a job that would accept my limited condition. If someone could have helped me watched the kids, I wouldn’t need to complain about my day. If some of my siblings weren’t too cheap, they could have afford a daycare to easily drop off their kids and went to work; hire an official babysitter or nanny.

I’m a real live in nanny, babysitter and a daycare center combined. And yet, I don’t ask for much but a simple thank you, gas money, and some token of appreciation. Otherwise, I would just say, “Go hire a babysitter.”

The storm that I have to move on is my disability. Yet, since there is no cure for my disease, it’s kind of hard to make a living and not get paid for anything. I’m just disappointed that some people can be so close minded that they don’t see the bigger picture. I may not want to be a babysitter for the rest of my life, but it’s where I am at in order to make a small living for the moment.

I wanted to do many more things, but at the moment I am stuck where I am until my advocate can locate a job for me that will accept my physical disability.

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About See Lo

I’m a freelance Web Designer and avid Blogger. My previous work has been published in Wisconsin Pages, Yahoo! Voices, Nubqub International, Asiance Magazine, Hmong Today, Hmong Is You Magazine, Teen Hmong, Future Hmong Magazine and eye.D Magazine. Several poems have been published in Paj Ntaub Voice, a literary arts journal and had the opportunity to work with published author Robert Danielak and Dr. Alicia Ghiragossian (poet-philospher) on the second edition of Alicia G: The Poet-Philosopher of the New Millennium.
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