I purposely unplugged myself away from my blog, Facebook, Twitter, and other website design I have done for the past two months because I needed a break away from all the social media I have been working on for Access Hmong, Business Professionals of America – Wisconsin State Association, and my own personal blog. I needed time to think on what I wanted to do with my life since dropping off from college this past semester.
I didn’t know what to do because I had no one else to talk to about these things. I am ashamed of dropping out of college after all this time, but what was I really going for? A year ago, I had decided to become an English teacher, but lately; even the words English gave me the chills because words are meaningless when writing an essay or theory. So, what was the real point in taking English courses when I can do that as a hobby outside of the college system. I do plan on heading back to college, but not at the moment or anytime soon.
I asked myself this for the past two months since my car is dead sitting collecting dust in the garage without a proper muffler and no pocket money to buy car parts. And since I don’t go anywhere, I will be getting rid of my car as soon as possible. I am selling my red 1992 Acura Vigor as is, you just need to fix the muffler and charge up the battery in order to keep the car. So readers, if you know anyone willing to purchase this car as is, please let me know. Thank you!
My Christian lifestyle has taken a toll, for my faith in the Lord has diminished slightly over the past few months. I only thank God that he continues to send my sister to me to bring me back onto the right path to feed myself in his words of Wisdom. Today, my sister and I went through the Book of Ecclesiastes, which is exactly what I needed to feed my spirit. For God has answered my unspoken prayer.
“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless.”
What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles. Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea. Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. no matter how much we hear, we are not content.
History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new. We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.” – Ecclesiastes: 2-11
When I started to read this passage out loud, I felt my heart move because this is what I needed to hear from God’s own words. I needed to hear the truth and not the sugarcoated lies I hear from people. I have always believed that if you do good and work hard, good things will follow. I have done that since my high school days and yet I haven’t fully been given a break for all the hard work I have done. At times, I think that wonder if what I am doing is right. I question myself more about my own motives as to why I do the things that I do. Until passage above, it is all meaningless!
So everything that I have done for the past several years has no meaning for what accomplishment have I have achieved besides the constant nagging from a person who believes themselves to be so righteous. I do not need to focus on others in my family anymore, for it is meaningless to focus on their problem when I have my own. And since everyone has been telling me over and over again to start being selfish, I will take their advise and focus it on me. I am no longer responsible for their own destruction.