Life, Relationship

My Heartbreak Hotel

Have you ever wondered why there is a hotel named Heartbreak Hotel? According to sources I found on the net, it was sung by Elvis Presley that became number one song on the Billboard charts top hundred in 1956. The song was based on a lonely man who jumped from a hotel window. Sad, but true. Hence, we have “since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell. It’s down at the end of lonely street, at heartbreak hotel.”

Heartbreak Hotel is also an actual hotel in Memphis, TN and one of the most popular ones all fashioned up to the King of Rock & Roll. The hotel itself has about 128 rooms and located across the street from Elvis Presley’s Graceland (mansion).

Symbolically, to me heartbreak hotel are closed doors of all hidden desires from our friends and family. Walking silently through the hallways going up and down the stairs, a building full of absolute silence. Our hearts are closed so tight that we are unable to pry the doors open to let others into our hearts. So many closed doors, so many same styles and space available inside the rented room. We’ll never know which door to open, which door to knock on or which door to enter into. Like life, there are so many reasons why people choose to close their hearts from the people they love and it takes a while for others to realize that the person they love have a problem
.

I give myself for an example: 
I love my family, I really do. However, too much tough love will only drive me away. I don’t like being told what to do with my life and I certainly don’t want to live under constant scrutiny. I hold myself accountable for all my actions I have taken in life, I hold no one else responsible but myself. It shouldn’t be anyone’s else’s business on what I do with my life or where I plan on going.

There is a reason why I can’t speak to my family about my personal agenda, because they don’t know how to encourage the dreams we have for ourselves or give actual advise on life; some do but others don’t know how. I would really appreciate the people I love to support me in my plans and goals in life, no matter how long it will take.

I do recognize that I have medical problems from personal to medical: arthritis, depression, weight problems, lack of motivation and the constant to please others but myself.

For a long time, I have been depressed and I have never looked deep into myself because I just kept them all inside of my heart. When I came to God, to know of God, to learn about God and to learn about his undeniable love and unconditional love, my heart broke because I forgot that he has been part of my life since the beginning. No one can love me as much as my God. No one! Only God has my heart, because no one has ever loved me as much as he has. He has comforted me in times when I needed someone to talk with and held me in his warm embrace. And when I came to Christ again with Salvation Church of God in Appleton, WI; meeting with my pastor’s wife just melts my heart because I know now how much God truly loves me. And I am happy for the first time in a long time.

Through LIFT, I was able to live and finally be OBLIGATION FREE.

I remember specifically when I officially cried my heart out in loneliness. I cried because no one was able to understand where I was coming from. No one understood how I had to cope as a second older daughter who had to help Mom and help raise half my siblings. No one understood how much I missed as a regular child/teenager/adult because of the constant OBLIGATIONS I had set forth for myself because I was always put on the spot to help regardless of the situation. And I am getting sick be being called selfish. If I was selfish as they all claim me to be, then why am I the only person who will always help you out no matter what type of situations they are still in? If I was selfish, why do I keep buying them food to eat, money to lend without being paid back, keep giving without a thought to myself?

Is it so hard for them to apologize when they are wrong too. How hard can one person say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong” or “I’m sorry, please forgive me” or “sorry.” I do admit, that I don’t apologize as much as I should, but I do so anyway out of respect. If no one can forgive me, then I will just have to pray for them. I am not going to waste my time or breathe on something so petty and small for nothing. I am not like other siblings who would go on and on like a tornado tearing the rooftops off a house about an orange juice or banana peal.

If only my siblings read my blog, they would know how I feel or how I am doing. This is after all a blog about my journey in life, love and happiness. The sad thing is, majority of my family doesn’t read or speak proper English. My accomplishments are well known by my friends, former classmates, advisors and those who I have networked with professionally at professional conferences. I love networking with members of the Alumni Association, working with students, and learning on developing myself professionally through cyberspace.

Is it any wonder why we have so many closed doors into our hearts. We only let those we love into parts of our hearts because we’re afraid of their reactions. All my accomplishments are closed off to my family because they are not as interested in the activities I do as much as I am. So why waste my time in bragging or showing off to my family about it? All my studies, hobbies, interests and other activities are closed lipped because family-wise; they don’t care about it. So, how can I communicate with my family about my interests and hobbies when they are too closed minded in the things that I actually enjoy doing?

For the past couple of months, I haven’t been doing anything but work on web designing and small writing projects just to keep myself committed to build a strong reputable client list to work with. I like working with people in helping them promote their products from artists music, films, fashion, business, organizations, and more. I recently began building three to four websites: Access Hmong, Hmong Music Awards, Business Professionals of America – Wisconsin Association and my very own blog; A Hmong Woman’s Journey.

I now know that I don’t want to work for anyone who doesn’t appreciate my skills, goals, talents or dedicated hard work. I’d rather work for myself, be my own boss in order to create a friendly professional workforce environment the way how I want it to be. I want to be able to travel, network with professionals from all over the world and just enjoy moments of learning from other more professionals other than yourself. If only I had clubs to help motivate me back in the days. However, this is now and it’s never too late.

About See Lo

I’m a freelance Web Designer and avid Blogger. My previous work has been published in Wisconsin Pages, Yahoo! Voices, Nubqub International, Asiance Magazine, Hmong Today, Hmong Is You Magazine, Teen Hmong, Future Hmong Magazine and eye.D Magazine. Several poems have been published in Paj Ntaub Voice, a literary arts journal and had the opportunity to work with published author Robert Danielak and Dr. Alicia Ghiragossian (poet-philospher) on the second edition of Alicia G: The Poet-Philosopher of the New Millennium.
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