Education, Relationship, Reviews

The Five Love Languages

Normally, I don’t write about romance or talk much about romance. I don’t find romance in my life as useful since it has always gets in the way of what I am trying to accomplish. However, since I’m not an expert on finding love or about love, I leave that to those who do know about love. God is one huge indication of a the only powerful being who loves us all unconditionally and words cannot even fathom to describe His Love for us all. In the meantime, we’ll stick with a book I have read by a professional doctor in his area of expertise; The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapmon.

I have watched so many films, read a lot of books and observed plenty of married or dating couples from afar and it literally scared the heck out of me. If both sexes treated each other so bad by name calling or belittling one another, why would I want any kind of relationship at all? What is the upside in a relationship when all you hear is people shouting at one another over something so LITTLE? That is one of my biggest pet peeves, arguing over something so little as a post on FACEBOOK. Really? It had to be so bad that people are now arguing over a Facebook status. That’s just sad and childish if you ask me.

Watching from afar, I am thankful that God has kept me away from all the unwanted drama that comes attached to being in a relationship. God has a plan for us all (Jeremiah 1:5) and one of these days in the far future, God will provide a soul mate for me. I thank God that I don’t have any kids at the moment because there is still a purpose for me on this Earth before I eventually get married or die. However, I wanted to point out why I have finally written on hot topics such as relationships. I see it every single day at home and the behaviors it effects others. I only pray that they open their hearts and start to LISTEN.

Let’s face it ladies and gentlemen, we have always asked the age old question of why our partners don’t understand or love us. We wonder why they are leaving us for another. Always blaming ourselves for why the relationship went south. We even come across some who has accused one another of cheating. We know of friends, siblings and colleagues who have been struggling with their relationships. Yet, we (the listeners) can’t really do much but offer an ear. Most of my Hmong friends are either married with kids by the time they were out of middle school and after high school. Most are divorced by their senior year in high school. Most has gone through so much in order to be where they are today. Yet, I still see people struggling with their partner/spouse about the smallest little things in life: relationships.

I introduce Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages and New York Time’s Best Seller.

Dr. Gary Chapman is also the leading author in biblical marriage counseling speaks love in your language. With over thirty years of experience in marriage counseling, Dr. Gary Chapman has worked closely with thousands of couples struggling with countless issues. But at the heart of every marriage he has encountered–including his own–rests the same core longing: all people need to feel loved. – 5lovelanguages

First and foremost, the book was given to me as a gift from my sister. I have to admit that I hesitated for a bit because I asked myself, why would I need to read a book about relationships when I’m not in one? Well, believe it or not, I enjoyed every minute of the book for it gave me an insight into my own love language. Before we begin, I want to dare all of you readers into taking this quiz in finding your love language. Click here for the quiz.

My love language is Acts of Service. What is Acts of Service? If you haven’t taken the short assessment in discovering your love language then the answer is:

Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Why did I mention this book and assessment to you all? I wanted to provide you all the best couple therapy you can have without paying thousands of dollars on a marriage counselor that is not really going to help in the long run. As a Christian, I wanted to warn you all that most therapies are working in the secular world for personal gain as you all are struggling emotionally and mentally. As an avid reader in most psychology books, I laugh at most of the “theories” and shenanigans they have all come with. I do give proper due where it belongs, but most of the “theories” or advices from professional therapists or psychologists who has given advice about relationships has all come from one book: The Holy Bible.

Let me break it down one step at a time, they are not the first people to come up with the study of human behaviors. I can speak about psychology another time, but here is the most significant sum of psychology. In the Greek language, the word PSYCH means SOUL and the OLOGY part simply means THE STUDY OF. So, psychology basically means: STUDY OF THE SOUL aka: emotions, pain, behaviors, etc… etc… As I mentioned, I will come back to this next time.

The Five Love Languages will certainly help you learn about yourself, value yourself in a brand new light and learning to love your partner all over again. The book begins with an eye opener about the different stages of love. Love comes in all different shapes and sizes, it begins at home where it should be and there is a vast difference on what kind of love language we all speak in. Just being sincere is not enough anymore, for we cannot just simply say, “I love you” and leave everything to chance. Nothing will be solved with a small token or material objects either for it is no replacement for human emotional love. The most triggering factors is knowing WHAT love is and knowing what being IN love is. Real love is an emotional nature, a love that unites all reason and emotion. It involves an act of will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.

I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. So, I highly recommend this book to everyone and discover what your love language is.

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About See Lo

I’m a freelance Web Designer and avid Blogger. My previous work has been published in Wisconsin Pages, Yahoo! Voices, Nubqub International, Asiance Magazine, Hmong Today, Hmong Is You Magazine, Teen Hmong, Future Hmong Magazine and eye.D Magazine. Several poems have been published in Paj Ntaub Voice, a literary arts journal and had the opportunity to work with published author Robert Danielak and Dr. Alicia Ghiragossian (poet-philospher) on the second edition of Alicia G: The Poet-Philosopher of the New Millennium.
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